i realize it’s been 2 weeks since bill was in town and i have yet to tell you all how the weekend went. it went fabulously! we had a great weekend together. my mom was in town for half of it so we didn’t get a lot of alone time, but we had a great 4 days together. just reinforced what i know about our relationship. we have a special connection. we get along so well and can have fun doing the stupidest stuff. we got some bonding time with my mom and he was able to meet my close friends out here. It was a good weekend for us and I think it changed a lot. He went home determined to find a job out here. That is definitely what I want. I want him out here. But, I still have my doubts he’ll ever make it. Maybe I’m just cynical and have been hurt too much in the past; but I still feel sometimes like he’s all “talk”. I feel like it will never happen. And after this last visit, the distance just gets harder. I’m getting more impatient. I just want to be able to move forward with my life; with him or without him (though i obviously prefer it with him). I’m just not sure at what point I’m supposed to give this thing a deadline and move forward. I would definitely not with this long distance crap on anyone!
That also stirs up the situation with my neighbor. I’ve seen him once since Bill was here. I have purposely been avoiding him because i have very little self control. Well, I used to. For some reason, this long distance thing has changed me and i’m hoping it is just because of the circumstances and not a permanent thing. neighbor guy knows about bill. i sort of explained the situation to him. so maybe that will help things. I don’t think the fact that i really enjoying making out with the neighbor is a sign that i don’t love or want to be with bill. i honestly think it’s just a physical thing. we have absolutely nothing in common and whenever we’ve hungout, we have a ton of awkward silences. i think it’s just a by product of being 30, horny, and lonely. and he’s pretty damn accessible.
why does it all have to be so complicated?
on a positive note, i’ve started working as a temp so at least i’m getting out of the house and making money. hopefully, things will keep moving forward! i’ll really try to be better about updating. i’m so lazy sometimes.
