i’ve realized over the past week or so that i am falling in love with Bill. it figures this would happen right before i move across the country. we’ve talked on the phone quite a bit lately. always for over an hour at a time. it seems we never run out of things to say and i love being around him. he’s a bit emotionally challenged himself and has trouble expressing things. he at least admits but it kind of makes things a bit more difficult. he is impossible to figure out and says he even has trouble figuring himself out. when i was in chicago last saturday, i started drunk texting him, as always. i stupidly sent him a text saying “don’t freak out but i kind of <3 you” oddly enough, he didn’t freak out. sometimes i sense that he is starting to feel the same way, but like i said it is so hard to read him.
since our plans for sunday fell through, we got together last night. i decided i was going to pull out all the stops and made him lasagna. that is usually how i woo men. lol we had dinner and then watched a movie. i desperately needed some cuddling so i snuggled up next to him on the couch. after the movie, i couldn’t wait any longer so i kissed him. unfortunately, he was exhausted so the kissing didn’t go very far. i was a bit disappointed, but he said “let’s get together sunday”. i said, “but i wanted to see you over the weekend so i could kidnap you. monday you have to work”. he said “not necessarily. i have monday off.” i asked him if that meant he was going to stay and he said “we’ll hang out”. then he mentioned having a car appt in the morning but i have to get up for work anyway. so, we’re hanging out sunday and he’s most likely spending the night. i can’t wait 
i love being with him and feel so comfortable around him. he’s a bit like me and doesn’t sugar coat things so he had no problem telling me he was too tired to makeout. i asked him if it was really being tired or that he didn’t want to. he said he was tired and i firmly believe he would tell me if that wasn’t the case. plus, he wouldn’t have told me he wasn’t working monday so he could stay the night sunday.
leaving him is going to be awful. i see a lot of tears involved. why do these things happen like this? if all of this would have developed 5mths ago, i wouldn’t be leaving him. but i suppose his commitment issues may have continued anyway and things would stay stagnant. maybe my leaving will be the trigger to help him realize what we have and do something about it. who knows? i just know i am going to miss him terribly and i wish there was some way to stop myself from falling even further in love with him.
